I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
