Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
