I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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