somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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