i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
