Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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