Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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