We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
