if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
