I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
