i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We have started to decorate penises.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
