sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
