I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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