Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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