I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
