I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
this will be a night to untag.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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