I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
