ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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