my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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