im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
