there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
