My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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