Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
