the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
