She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
