Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
