i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
