Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
