I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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