My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
