dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
