I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize