Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
