I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
