Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
