just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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