but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
