Where did you get a picture of my penis
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize