'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
