Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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