I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
