Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
