I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
