The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
