dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
