If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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