I think I died a long time ago.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
