best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
