I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I need water and some morals
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
