I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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