Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
