CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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