Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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