so explain again why im purple
no
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
