somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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