I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
