I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
