when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
