So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It's just like the Real World with babies
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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