I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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