We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
