Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
