you have to choose: penises or morals?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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