Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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