Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
