You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
