A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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