You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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